One thing college has done for me was helped me realize and begin to accept the fact that I’m a really anxious person.
Because I have a lot more high points in my days, I’m able to notice and analyze my lows creep in a lot more. Before, It’d be so gradual that I’d be anxious out of no where. Now I can see the onsets of my “attacks.” I do spend a fair amount of time by myself, walking around campus, and I get very introspective.
I’m starting to notice a lot more anxious habits I have and also what trigger them. Despite my realizations, though, I still get anxious very easily.
It’s kind of like a double edged sword. I’m starting to understand myself more, but at the same time, I’m becoming so sensitive to it that I’m more easily triggered.
I didn’t get to post about it, but I saw the boy on Friday!
I went home for the weekend (or more like Friday night/Saturday morning) and got to spend a few hours with neuropeen. I missed him so much! It felt like it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other. I took pictures but after some thought, I’d rather keep them on my phone just because.
But yeah, it’s only been 4 days and I already miss him. Like a lot.
I love you, boo! Hopefully I’ll see you soon!
I officially started my training at Starbucks today. It really wasn’t too bad despite all the cleaning we had to do and all the information we were given.
Tomorrow I have a 7am-11am shift and we’re going to start making drinks and learning ratios.
I’m super nervous but excited at the same time! Hopefully I can keep it up throughout the year!
Sometimes, I get embarrassed for being “smart.” I know it’s dumb and I should be proud that I’m capable of doing what I do… I don’t really know how to put it, but I tend to tone down how much I know just so others don’t feel bad about not being as quick to learn as I can be. I mean, I don’t play dumb or anything, I just don’t always give my 100% when casually talking about class unless my friends need help (because if they asked for help, I’d pull out anything I knew just to help them).
Like in my bio class, our professor was talking about Action Potential and it’s mechanics, but so many people were confused. The professor asked a question about it’s function and my friends next to me had no idea what was going on. I ended up raising my hand to answer, but when I got it right, the two next to me started sayings like “I wish I knew what was going on because you seem to know a lot” or “How do you know everything?” I know they didn’t have any malicious intent, but still, I felt weird about it. I feel like they felt bad for not understanding the concepts like I did.
I don’t know if it’s just me being humble or modest or whatever, but I yeah… I don’t even like talking about my high school GPA or the fact that I did IB (and got my diploma for that matter).
I guess I’m also scared people are going to think I’m pretentious which I honestly am not when it comes to academia. Actually, I used to be very self-deprecating when it comes to my intellect; I’d constantly call myself stupid and mean it. But now that I can actually appreciate the brain I was given, I’m scared others will mistaken it for arrogance.
After seeing all the elitism in IB and in my senior class, I just don’t want people to see me the way I saw those people in my grade.
Today was pretty chill. I got up early enough to actually eat breakfast! The food wasn’t even bad (to be honest, it was a pretty damn good one!) After that, I hung out in the common room with Alexis, Gabby, and Bea until Gabby and I left for Psychology. Class was super cool; we learned about the different functions of the different hemispheres. Honestly, that class fucked up my thinking! It’s crazy.
Afterwards, Gabby and I went to grab lunch! It’s nice eating in the park by yourself sometimes, but it was cool having someone around. She’s pretty quiet and isn’t super loud so it’s actually kind of cool having her around.
After that, I went to class early because I didn’t realize my class was a half hour later than I anticipated. I just rested on a bench until people started walking inside. Writing class was cool! I’m super glad that my professor liked my creative piece. We had to make up a monster that fit’s Santilli’s definition of horror. I hope that he likes my writing style when we do our rhetorical analysis essays.
After Writing, I made my way back to the hall and just hung out with everyone. I fell asleep on the couch and BOTH How and Courtney snap chatted pics of me sleeping. I’m definitely NOT a cute sleeper. Anyways, we were down there for what felt like a while and then we went to dinner. We tried to talk to this one kid in our hall (actually, he’s in my suite) who NEVER talks to us and is pretty antisocial. We tried to sit with him but he still didn’t really talk. I think he was overwhelmed by the sheer number of us. But yeah, we ended up going back to the hall (oh and I saw Kim for like 5 seconds leaving the dining commons LOL) and played games like The Resistance (which was kind of dull this time…) and Mafia. That game seemed to perk up the mood. It was cool being the narrator and stuff because it got my creative juices flowing.
After that died out, I introduced the game “concentration” to my hall mates and they loved it! More people started coming down to play it with us and wow, there were so many people downstairs! More than I think I’ve ever seen before. But yeah, it was fun until someone form upstairs told our RA that we were being too loud. It’s kinda stupid in my opinion because apparently, the other night, people were super loud around 1am. We only played until about 11.
But yeah, that was my day! I’m super excited to go home tomorrow night though!
Why? I get to see Andrew! I know it’s only been two weeks… but I miss him so much! Both of us have been pretty busy lately with his midterms and my adjustment period so communication hasn’t been perfect (though it’s actually been pretty good for the free time we were given). I can’t wait to see him! Just texting him about seeing each other made me super smiley throughout the day. I don’t really like being a super cheese ball, but I couldn’t help it this time. I’m just really excited to see the boy!
Today was pretty straightforward. I ended up waking up a little late so the people in the dining commons were cleaning up breakfast. I ended up just eating scones and yogurt. I went to my classes (Bio was fun) but the leader for my Psychology discussion didn’t come so I ended up leaving 20 minutes in. I felt no remorse. In both Psych and Bio, we learned about Action potential. Learning about that made me think about my boy because he’s super intrigued by the Action Potential process (it’s so adorable when he goes on about it because you can just hear the spark in his voice<3)
I just hung out with my hall mates for a while until we decided to go eat dinner and then head to the Art Lab. Both Howard and I submitted pieces, but I didn’t mention submitting a piece so everyone said they were going to support Howard. I felt weird to be honest! I didn’t feel uncomfortable because I wasn’t getting recognition (I honestly didn’t mind especially since I didn’t say anything), but because I didn’t want anyone to feel bad for not knowing I submitting something and not acknowledging it. It did get a little weird when they saw I submitted stuff, but it’s all good! After looking at the art and just sitting together at a table, our big group just split off and Kim, Roxxy, Gabby, Courtney, Howard and I went to the Commons again to grab food.
Like I said, today was pretty straightforward.
OH, I found out that Howard thinks we’d be good roommates! We’re thinking about being roommates next year if we decide to double when we move out for our 2nd year. I think that’d go well since we get along pretty well and we have a lot in common despite the fact that he hates a lot of things I like LOL. I know it sounds contradictory, but it’s true.
I think it’s adorable when people call the dorms their “home” and then instantly feel embarrassed by it.
I don’t know why, but it always makes me smile!
Today I had my bangs tied up because I’m breaking out and because I had a lot of reading to do today.
My hair’s getting kinda gross and I don’t know what to do with it. I’ve gotten:
I’m having a hair dilemma right now and it’s terrible.